Tuesday, Feb 7, 2012
Last week, I said good bye to Dr. Susanna Magee who is Family Doctor with OB privileges that delivers at Memorial Hospital. It was extremely difficult to transfer my care out of her practice to a more "standard" ob/gyn. I have been feeling blue since then...knowing all of this is a reality. My baby dreams are not going to come true; instead I am on the path of a high risk pregnancy and all that "defensive" medicine can offer and the "midwifery model" cannot. It's a sad realization.
Today's appointment went well, nothing remarkable. The baby's heartbeat was 145 bpm; 3.13 was the s/d pressure, and everything looked fine.
I asked the doctor after my ultrasound if he could tell me how many babies who have similar diagnosis of IUGR end of the following categories
- Are delivered full term at 39-40 weeks
- Are delivered early at 36-37 weeks
- Are micro-preemies; under 3 lbs
- Fetal death occurs
He said that he rarely sees fetal death at the stage unless there is some other significant underlying issue; especially in the metropolitan area with a major medical center available. He told me not to worry about this baby being a micro-preemie since I am into my 3rd trimester. And then the conversation got interesting.. I asked him about the babies who are delivered between 36-40 weeks. He said most of them are "constitutionally" small. That begged the question in my mind that I needed to ask "If that is the case then, where does legitimate medicine end and "defensive" medicine begin, if these babies are just small?" He said obsectrictics is very much defensive medicine especially high risk ob medicine because they cannot see the baby, the only can see the mother. That's why so much testing is used. I asked what the reasons why someone would deliver at 36 weeks and why 39 weeks instead of 40 weeks. He said 36 weeks delivery happens when there is low fluid, the umbilical cord pressure is unfavorable or there is a significant problem with growth. We talked about my "dreams" of VBAC and bring this baby to full term at 40 weeks. He said they may let me go beyond 39 weeks with additional monitoring. That was the answer that I wanted to hear... so I guess all is well that ends well.
(I will always wonder, "I know that Rachel loves me but how much more would she love me if she was born vaginally instead of a c-section?")
to respond to your last question of wonder, rachel would love you no more or less if she had a different birth experience - or if she was born from another woman. as an adopted person myself, i can honestly say i'm more connected to my mom than most people - and it is because of her unconditional love, kindness, sensitivity, and goodness.
ReplyDeletei'm sorry that things aren't able to progress with doctor mcgee, but it sounds like you are in the hands of a compassionate OB. wishing you all the best for a healthy pregnancy & delivery. sending love and support!!
-kristen
i must agree with kristen. you know i am adopted. i have no idea if i was born vaginally or by a c-section.
ReplyDeletethose feelings that you struggle with about the c-section with rachel are completely understandable. be kind to yourself mama. you only have so much control and it's time to put down the "bat" on the c-section with rachel. and with this little one coming, keep the bat down, you are doing EVERYTHING you can do. you have always amazed me at how much you always research every possible thing (not just with kids either!! :)) and look for as many options as possible. and you stand up for yourself and don't allow anyone to run you over. one day, i hope to be like that myself.
it stinks that you have gotten the short end of the stick again, so to speak, but it will be okay. let go and let god. xoxoxo