Birth Story

It is April17th and it is a pretty typical day except it is my middle sister’s birthday. As I did every Tuesday and Friday for the last four months of this pregnancy, I am getting an ultrasound of my baby. This one marks ultrasound #63 and 64. I have spent more time in doctor’s office waiting rooms and being poked, prodded, and examined than I ever anticipated during this “high risk pregnancy” due to Intrauterine Growth Restriction. As it turns out, this day is different. The doctor says that baby has not grown enough since the last ultrasound; it is time to deliver the baby. I am in shock; feeling like a second place winner since I wanted to make it all the way to 40 weeks but instead, I am one week shy at 39 weeks.  My head is swimming with thoughts of what this induction would be like or would I have another cesarean section. I met my husband  at Women & Infants Triage at 3 p.m. We sat there waiting to meet with the doctor or midwife on call but after being there for over an hour, we were told that no one was available  to discuss my options. Instead, we got a phone call saying that I should go home to get my things and come back to the hospital later in the evening. This was my chance to buy time. I wanted to savor my last hours with my daughter who was up until that point, an only child. We ate dinner, goofed around in the front yard, and told her stories about princesses before bed. It was now 9 p.m. and Women & Infants called to see when I will be arriving to the hospital. I left my house at 9:30 p.m. knowing this would be last time I would close the door of house as a mother of one.

            At 11:00 p.m., one of the midwives came into my hospital room to explain the induction since we decided that I should attempt a VBAC. My birth experience with my first daughter was traumatic and the thought of a traditional cesarean section terrified me.  The midwife was aware of my desire to have a natural non-medicated birth so she opted for a more holistic approach to the induction. And she said she wouldn’t be able to any drugs to start the induction any way due to my prior cesarean, so instead she was going to manually dilate my cervix using a catheter. I slept through the night with the catheter hoping that it would work. It did! The next morning, April 18^th, I woke up to be pleasantly surprised that I was 3 cm dilated. The nurses brought me down to the Labor & Delivery floor at 6 a.m. to start a Pitocin IV. It was around 7:30 a.m. when my husband arrived at the hospital after taking our daughter to daycare. It wasn’t much longer when the contractions started. As the morning wore on, they became more and more intense. The midwife checked my progress at 10:00 a.m. to find that I was 4 cm dilated. It was not much longer when I thought my body was going to explode. I did not anticipate that type of uncontrollable, unrelenting pain. My mantra “I am in pain but I am not hurt.” was no longer working. As much as I did not want an epidural, it was my saving grace. The epidural put my mind at ease and allowed my body to do what it is supposed to do. It was a short time later when my water broke and the midwife announced that I was 10 cm dilated.  She told me to rest for a little bit and then I would start pushing. This was a thrilling moment to know that my “baby dream” might actually come to true--that I may be able to deliver my baby and get her place directly into my arms. The whole time, I had a picture from National Geographic in my mind. It is a woman in a tub of water holding her baby for the first time. The expression on the woman’s was pure joy and relief. I wanted to have that feeling that was lost due to groggy drugs during my prior c-section. My husband called this picture my “Rocky photo”.  One of the greatest compliments that my husband has ever given me was when he told me that I had that same expression on my face when I touched our baby girl for the first time. The pride that I feel for having a VBAC after all of the struggles, fears and disappointments of a high risk pregnancy is unexplainable. My original doctor told me once that “happiness is healing”. Those words will forever ring in my head because for all of hurt and trauma that came my first born’s delivery and the frustrations and disappointments of this high risk pregnancy-- all of the negative feelings have melted away in the first touch of my second born. Rebecca Hope Rocchio was born at 4 pounds, 4 ounces on April 18^th at 1:47 p.m. She truly is my second first born.

Monday, April 2nd
I went to the PDC today.... only 6 more appointments remaining there! (And 4 more doctor appointments left!). Everything was swell today. The baby gained 400 grams making the baby weight almost 5 lbs! I am thrilled. Everything else was fine including amniotic fluid level, heart rate, etc. Rob and I went to Memorial Hospital's fundraiser on Friday. So, I think that planted a seed in Rob's head that maybe we can go to Memorial Hospital to have this baby. We'll see....

Wednesday, March 28th

I am swimming in a sea of spreadsheets getting ready for my annual review but I'll take a few minutes to share my fall out with our minister.

About 3 years ago, our beloved minster Bob Brooks retired. He is a great guy. We went on a mission trip to New Orleans with him, he married us and he blessed Rachel in the NICU. He has a special place in our hearts. His replacement came from France; The Episcopal Cathedral of America in Paris. He is in his early 40's with a son who is the same age as Rachel and his wife is expecting a baby in April. Our children are practically the same ages.

I sought spiritual counsel from Jonathan Hyuck, our new minister starting in January when things looked grim for this baby. We had some good conversations but he did not seem to remember one conversation from the last. It was always as if, he had never talked to me before. I did not think too much about it at the time. Then in early March when we realized that everything is going to be fine, I contacted Jonathan (we don't typically use Father/Pastor in front of the minster's first name unless they prefer it) regarding this baby's baptism. I told him that we wanted the baby to be baptized in the summer. He explained that is not the "policy of the church" and it must happen either on Memorial Day weekend or in November. I can not see how either is feasible. The baby will only be 4 weeks old at the end of May--- way too young. And November seems to be a lifetime away. I would not be able to live with myself knowing that my baby was not baptized and we are going about our lives. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if in that time period something happened and the baby did not receive her First Sacrament. So, I told Jonathan that Rachel was baptized in August and he still would not make an exception. From what I understand, the Episcopal Church wants to baptize on Feast Days which happen 4 times a year--- Easter, Pentecost, All Saints Day and Epiphany. Baptize is a celebration of inclusion, in other words, these feasts days has more people in the pews than other Sundays. But there is nothing in the Episcopal Church that says you can't do it other days, just the Feast Days are preferred. Bob Brooks thought it was too long between May and November so he picked a Minor Feast Day called the Feast of Transfiguration in early August. Jonathan would  not budge plus he inferred that we were looking for a "drive thru" church for our sacraments like marriage and baptism. He did not recognize that we have been members of this church for 10 years and before Rachel, did our share of volunteer work with the church.

We basically felt like we are being pushed out of our church. I have never heard this happening to an Episcopalian like you would hear from a Catholic because of the more firm rules in the Catholic church. See, one of the reasons why I love the Episcopal Church is the liberties each rector and each church are given. There is a set of rules but there is flexibility in those rules and as times change, we change to better suit the needs to our people i.e Everyone is welcome, gay or straight; Women are minsters; etc.

So, we are now trying to find a new church. It is so hard to leave Grace Church. I love it there. I love the people there. We will have to wait until the leadership changes when a time comes when people are more important than the rules it serves. So sad!

Monday, March 26th

Wow, it's less than a month from my due date. Hope is eternal! I remember the day when Rob was violently banging his fist against the steering wheel yelling that this baby will not make it to full term, that I was going to have a c-section and this baby was going to be in the NICU. Well, this baby will be considered full term in two weeks (37 weeks); I am having a boatload of "practice" contractions and there are no indications that this baby will be in the NICU. Back in January, I held my ground firmly believing that everything was going to be okay. I wasn't in denial nor was I not listening to the counsel of my doctors. I simply had faith that everything was going to okay. This caused a lot of strife in my marriage; to the point that we did not know how we were going to stay together. In the end, Rob is getting what he wants... to have this baby at Women & Infants. I am going to pick my battles and let him "win".  I rather be happy than right. (Now if only Women & Infants would allow Pediatric ENT privileges to see newborns, then I would be fully comfortable, but that isn't going to happen.)

I should be working on my annual performance review right now but I am going to take a moment to write about the Vietnam Vet doc (perhaps tomorrow, I will write about the church situation). Since I am now going to a large OB/GYN practice again (there is about 8 docs), I decided to find out what makes each doctor tick. I think I will do this for the rest of my life when dealing with the game changers/decision makers in my life (i.e. doctors, real estate agents, lawyers...people who can really effect your quality of life or change your life). I ask them... Why did you become a OB/GYN? Dr. David Beitle (sp?) who is widely liked and respected gave this answer: I love surgery but found it to be boring. There is no thrill taking out tumors but surgically delivering babies is a lot of fun. (It makes senses that his c-section rate is 60%). Dr. Colleen Cavanaugh gave the answer: I wanted to be an OB/GYN because it encompasses much of the life cycle of women from puberty to childbearing to older women who have incontinence or reproductive cancers. Plus dealing with women has a strong psychological component to it. I like dealing with the whole woman (In my book, good answer!). At the same practice as Dr. Cavanaugh, Dr. John Bert told me an interesting story why he became an OG/GYN. He recalled his time in Vietnam being a combat surgeon. He loved the excitement of putting people back together. Once he came back to the United States, he found surgery to be less than exciting due to practical nature of taking out gall bladders and tumors, etc. He decided that surgically delivering babies was closer to his experience in Vietnam. (Yikes! I hope he doesn't have a flash back when I am on the table). Next week, I am going to meet the doctor who is scheduled to deliver this baby via Gentle C-section; pray tell she has a good reason on why went into this line of work.

Friday, March 23rd
It has been too long since I have written anything here. I have so much to say and not enough time to say it. I still need to write about my doctor experience with the Vietnam Vet and need to write about my fall out with our minister. That has weighted heavy on my mind and heart; and needs resolution since we feel like we are being pushed out of our church & now need to find a new church to baptize this baby.

So, I will quickly give a quick run down on the baby's progress....
As of last Friday, the baby is weighing about 4 lbs. The doctors want the baby to gain 225 grams every two weeks until the due date.  That will mean if the baby is brought to full term (April 25th is the due date) then the baby will weigh 5 1/2 pounds (just a few ounces shy of Rachel who was 5 lbs 10 oz at 2 weeks overdue). We will be thrilled at having a 5 1/2 pound baby. Everything else has been fine such as amniotic fluid levels, heart rate, etc. The non-stress stress tests are showing that I am having some "practice" contractions. I am so happy about that! Since I did not have any Braxton Hicks contractions with Rachel. We have scheduled a gentle c-section for April 25th but I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for a VBAC. If it doesn't happen, I am okay with it but it would be great to bring this baby into the world in a non-surgical way.

A lot of my thinking, reasoning and some would say obsession about pregnancy, childbearing and birth stems from my experience having Rachel. I finally found an article that adequately expresses my feelings. If you have a moment, please read it: http://midwifethinking.com/2011/05/13/guest-post-when-birth-is-trauma/

Friday, March 9th
Today was a little bit of nerve racking day. Every time, I have this one tech-- Lisa perform the ultrasound, it comes back off kilter. The s/d ratios were much higher in the 5-6 range. I was very nervous as I sat waiting for the doctor to review the ultrasound that he/she would say, this is the day that you are going to have the baby. Fortunately, that did not happen! The doctor said the s/d ratios were high but the most accurate one was 2.9, so I was in the clear. Sigh of relief.

Then, I went to get my second ultrasound of the day and non-stress test. Baby had a heart deceleration (which is what Rachel had during my labor with her). I was scared that I was, again, going to get bad news. The nurses and doctor who reviewed the non-stress strip said it was most likely from the baby holding onto the umbilical cord and nothing to be worried about.

As for Tuesday's appointments, I don't really remember... but when I have a chance I need to write about my doctor's appointment on Wednesday (he was a Vietnam Vet who turned his combat surgery career into becoming OB-GYN) and I have to write about my falling out with our minister. So sad about that one...

My last thought for the entry is... I had my 3rd glucose test and I do not have gestational diabetes! Thank heavens!

My hero, my favorite doctor....Dr. Susanna Magee featured in this NBC 10 Heath Watch piece
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